We all set our sights on achieving things from time to time. Whether it's to change our diet and lifestyle or lose some weight or get a new job, it often starts with setting a goal.
And there are practical ways to approach our goals that can help us achieve them. Things like choose the right goal, break your goal into small steps and be consistent with taking action.
These are all important things to do, but there's something that may be even more important to our success.
Join us to hear more.
It seems obvious when it's pointed out, but being willing to stay open in dealing with the feelings that come up when we meet challenges is critical if we're going to meet our goals.
As we move toward our goals, almost always we try things that don't work. We make mistakes. And when we make mistakes it often brings up feelings. Strong feelings sometimes. Feelings like embarrassment or shame. Especially if other people see us make the mistake.
If we feel the need to avoid feelings like embarrassment or shame when we make mistakes, it's a surefire way to get derailed.
This was my experience. I've been something of a perfectionist most of my life. As a result, I never wanted to make a mistake. Certainly not that others would see. To make a mistake in front of others felt like it would be a fate worse than death. So, in not wanting that feeling to occur, at times, I would forgo pursuing the project entirely. I would completely quit. That's how strongly I wanted to avoid those feelings.
Ironically, when we make a mistake, that can be when it gets fun. That's when we can create something entirely new.
What that takes is a shift in perspective. A shift from what will others think to what can I learn here? What's new in this that I haven't experienced before? From this perspective, we keep moving forward and if there are feelings of embarrassment or shame, they flow on by.
Just watch a baby learn to walk. What is it that drives them to learn to walk in a way that they can make innumerable mistakes and fail so many times and yet keep pushing on? How is it that they stay so open and focused on their goal that's pulling them forward?
With their innocent focus on the goal they don't experience embarrassment or shame. What could be seen as a mistake or failure because they didn't stay on their feet is to them a learning opportunity along the way to walking.
They haven't developed that "what will others think" mentality that we can shut ourselves down with. All that "what will others think" is conditioned thinking that we teach ourselves to believe as we grow up.
What if we welcome the events and feelings that occur in our lives like babies do, like they were good friends? How would that affect your experience, do you think?
Learning new ways to do things, developing skills and achieving our goals is rewarding. But learning how to stay open in the face of strong emotions can be even more valuable than achieving a goal because it's more like a global skill that affects every goal we work toward.
We talked a couple of weeks ago about the purpose of life being to learn and to grow. And learning and growing to move through strong feelings that arise can create a profound stability in our lives.
For me, as a perfectionist, the conditioned belief that I couldn't make a mistake or else was debilitating. And it came up every time I thought I might make a mistake in front of others. I certainly held myself back when I gave into that thinking.
So, next time you're pursuing a goal, check to see what happens if you make a mistake. Is it okay? Is it a learning opportunity to move you forward? Or is it something you want to avoid because of the feelings that would come up if you did make that mistake?
We have found that by noticing if there is anything we're trying to avoid as we pursue goals, we can step back and settle into a quieter mind. From here we can stay open in any feelings that arise. This allows the feelings to move through and not knock us off course.
Let us know in the comments section below if you would like a free consultation / coaching session around this in your life.
The recipe this week is a Sweet Potato Flat Bread. It's quick and easy and has a number of variations that make it very versatile in different settings and with different dishes. We love it and hope you do too.
To your Amazing Health,
Connie and Bill
Sweet Potato Flat Bread (makes 8)
- 2 cups rolled oats
- 1 cup cooked sweet potato
- black pepper to taste
Optional, add your favorite herbs and veggies, For example:
- . ¼ cup onion, finely diced, and 2 tablespoons caraway seeds
- • ¼ cup onion, finely diced, and 2 tablespoons dry dill weed
- • ¼ cup tomato, small dice, and 2 tablespoons Italian spice
- • 1 jalapeño pepper, small dice, and 1 teaspoon chili powder
And these are wonderful without seasoning, served warm with fresh fruit on top or rolled in them.
Cook the sweet potatoes by baking, covered, at 350º for 50 minutes, or boiled until tender.
Add the oats, sweet potato and pepper to a food processor, and process until a ball begins to form.
If you're adding herbs or veggies, do that now and pulse to combine well.
Take the dough out and knead it a few times, then roll it into a log and divide into 8 pieces.
Shape each piece into a smooth ball and flatten between 2 pieces of wax paper or saran wrap to 1/8” thick. Use the palm of your hand, or a rolling pin. I find the rolling pin easier to get them uniform. They will roll out to approximately 4-inch circles.
You can also divide the dough in half and roll out to a 12” round for a pizza crust. This is nice with tomato and Italian spice added.
And you can divide the dough in half and roll out to an 8” x 8” square and score it for crackers to serve with hummus or other dips.
Frying method:
Heat a non-stick frying pan over medium-high heat and fry the rounds 2-3 minutes until they brown on the bottom and flip them to fry another 2-3 minutes to brown on that side.
Repeat with other portions of dough.
Air Fry method:
Air fry at 350º for 3 minutes on each side