Sometimes it seems like things happen, someone says something to us or we hear that someone said something about us, and there's a sting. An ouch, where we feel hurt by it. Sometimes it seems like life has a bite.
What makes it hurt?
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We think "What makes it hurt?" is a good question to ask when we feel hurt inside and recoil in response.
For us, a starting point in understanding why it hurts is to see if there's something in it that goes against how we think life should happen. Is there something in our perspective about how life should happen that puts a bite in an experience when life doesn't do what we want?
When life doesn't go the way we want or expect it to, like we get cut off in traffic or a friend says something that seems unkind, do we find ourselves contracting and pushing back against it? Arguing with it, so to speak. Even though the reality is that it happened, we don't think it should have, so we instinctively push back against it.
Could it be that it's the resistance to accepting what is that puts the bite in these situations?
We've said before that our experience in a situation, the feelings we have, are a reflection of our thinking in that moment. If this is true, when we feel hurt by something someone says to us or about us, we feel hurt because we think they shouldn't say those things. We feel the bite from arguing with the reality of what happened.
Could it be that the words they said, the actual words, don't have teeth? But what gives them the teeth is the meaning that we give to those words. And the meaning we give those words comes from our beliefs and conditioned thinking from the past. We want it to show up the way we think it should.
What we have found can take the bite out a situation is just to welcome it. And it really helps if we can look at it to see if there's something there for us to learn.
One of the biggest things we see in each situation like this is the opportunity to learn to open in the midst of strong feelings.
What if everything that shows up in our lives is packaged as a gift to move us forward into a life with less conflict? A more peaceful life.
What if a more peaceful life is found in being more open to greeting life from a place of openness despite the feelings we might be having? Accepting life as it is rather than resisting and arguing with what's happening.
Like we mentioned earlier, it seems to us that what puts the bite in life is the perspective that what's happening shouldn't be happening. The belief that for me to be happy, this kind of thing can't happen. And, with that, the war for happiness begins.
As we learn to open to life, just the way it is, not only does that take the bite out of situations, but we find a sense of freedom and enjoyment that we hadn't known before. That's our experience anyway. Let us know what you think in the comment section below.
The recipe for this week is Savory Christmas Balls. They're a wonderful finger-food appetizer or work nicely as a side dish on a Christmas buffet. We even add them to a dinner salad for extra interest. Give them a try. We think you'll like them.
To your Amazing Health,
Connie and Bill
Savory Christmas Balls (Serves 4 to 6) Adapted from Well Your World
- ½ bunch fresh kale
- ½ cup dried cranberries
- 5-6 mushrooms, chopped small
- 3 ribs celery, chopped small
- 1 large onion, small dice
- 4 garlic cloves, minced
- 1 tablespoon dried sage
- ½ cup rolled oats
- 2 tablespoons ground flax
- 1 ½ cups cooked lentils
- 1 cup walnuts
- 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
Pull kale off the stems and tear into pieces. Pulse in a food processor into small coarse flakes along with the cranberries. Add the kale and cranberries to a large mixing bowl.
Sauté the mushrooms, celery, onions and garlic over medium heat until onions are soft and transparent.
Add the sage and sauté for several more minutes.
In the food processor, process the oats and flax until very fine.
Add lentils, walnuts and balsamic vinegar and pulse until it reaches a coarse but slightly mushy texture.
In the mixing bowl with the kale and cranberries, add the sautéed vegetables and the contents of the food processor. Mix well to combine.
Form balls with the dough and place on a silicone mat or parchment-lined baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes, or until firm but moist.
Form into 1½" balls (I use a 1¾ inch (#40) cookie dough scoop. With that it makes 30 balls or a bit more.